Big Brothers: Making a difference in life of a child

Mentor: Someone whose hindsight can become your foresight.

-- Author unknown

The last time I listened to Bert Grisard, I became a "big brother," for the second time. He knew what he was doing when he invited met to participate in being a "Big for a Day."

I remember that day clearly. Vincent, then in elementary school, spent half a day shadowing me, meeting the people I interact with and my wife. He was polite, looked each person in the eye and shook their hand. He was dressed to impress too. Before the day was over, my wife wanted to know if I was going to become his big brother.

Grisard, the first staff person hired in 1977, is the president and CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS). He is also a good friend of more than 30 years, going back to the days when we played basketball at the Village Apartments. Now, we play a little golf and occasionally smoke a good cigar together. So, when he calls, I listen.

This time the call, actually an e-mail, was a request to host a table for the BBBS Big Magic Luncheon. It was billed as "A special event to benefit children in our community."

I was surprised to see Bert as I arrived. He was dressed up and his clothes matched. I know he is laughing now, as are those who know him well. I should have taken a picture as evidence. He was decked out in a gold, three-buttoned jacket, with spit-shined shoes, a good-looking tie and a shirt whose top button would not, well, button.

He had informed me that I would enjoy hearing a young man, a high-school student, play the saxophone. He was right, as we all shook our heads, patted the table or moved our feet to the sounds of Steven Banks and his trio from West Forsyth. How this young man can play the blues with so much feeling, I don't know. Banks is a "little" brother who has benefited from being matched with a mentor.

The impact of a mentoring partnership was evident in the comments of Mary Keenan, a teacher at the Arts Based Elementary school. Her son, ZJ, is benefiting from his relationship with Big Brother, Darryl. Keenan shared how fortunate they are to have him come into their life. They have been affected by Darryl's generosity and the stability and continuity he has provided. However, she was a little hesitant initially, wondering why somebody would take the time to do this. Was he a "wacko?" she said to a room full of laughter. "This is too good to be true."

There is a ripple effect, she said, of a relationship like the one her son, ZJ and Darryl have. Her son is happier. When he goes to school, he is a positive influence in his classroom; his teacher is happier as a result, which makes Keenan happier. If she is happy, it has an impact on her classroom, her students, their families, and so on.

That example highlights how the community is much better for the relationships formed between children in the program and their mentors. It also brings the vision of BBBS to life, which is to create successful mentoring relationships that result in brighter futures for children.

And Bill Wise has made a positive impact on the life of Donovan Jackson. Their relationship, which started when Donovan was 9 years old, was listed on the program as "A Magic Match." It was touching to see a video clip of Donovan then, and to see him today, towering over his "big brother," even though he continues to look up to him. Donovan has graduated from Norfolk State University, where he played football, and is now working toward his master's degree.

Watching that video clip, Donovan told the audience, "brought back emotional memories." He was clearly moved, as he looked back at Wise and in the most sincere way said: "That guy back here, I love him to death."

Wise said he was not much of a speaker, but you don't have to be when you speak from the heart. And that is what he, Donovan and Keenan did, they brought to life how time and contact develops into relationships that matter and make a positive difference. Wise summed it up as the program ended. Looking back at Donovan, he said: "This turns a so-so speech into wonderful picture."

An hour after the program ended, I received another e-mail from Bert, who is retiring in November. He wants to talk, again. I'm in trouble.

■ Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker who lives in Winston-Salem. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.