Life's about the coffee, so don't sweat the cup

By: Nigel Alston | Winston-Salem Journal
Published: March 29, 2009

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumblebee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams. -- Ashley Smith

I like coffee, strong, with cream and sugar. I also like coffee mugs of all shapes, sizes, colors and designs. One of the last decisions I make each morning is which mug to use.

One day, it is the tall gold one. I have a brown mug just like it. Other days it could be the medium-sized red one from Borders, or the short, portly silver mug. I have to be careful with it because it doesn't fit in the cup holder in the car. There are other cups at home -- traditional cups like the good ones in the china cabinet, the regular, everyday cups and even some Styrofoam cups.

I don't know why I am so fascinated with the styles and colors of mugs and cups; after all, it's the coffee that really matters. That was the point of a story I read again recently and understand more clearly now.

It involved a professor and a group of alumni visiting his class. The former students, all very well established in their careers, talked about how stressed they were, complaining about work and life in general. The professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups -- porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite.

After each former student had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.

"While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups."

I realized that the professor was trying to help his former students understand: Life is the coffee. Everything else -- the jobs, money, position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. They don't change the quality of life.

I thought about that lesson recently, remembering a discussion I had with friends over lunch several years ago. Like the students who visited the professor, we discussed some important issues. There were probing questions, like: What do you want to see, do and experience in life so that at the end of your life it will have been a success? "Let me think about that," one said.

Another question comes from the book, The Why Café, by John Strelecky: "Why are you here?" That's an interesting question. It is intended to instigate a journey inward, about the purpose of life -- self-exploration. What is my purpose here on earth? "I don't know," is a common answer. Or, "it is always changing." There are some who are specific and know what they have been called to do, their mission in life.

It is interesting that these questions came up when we sat around a table to enjoy a meal and each other's company. On this day, the focus was another question: What time is it in your life? One member of the group was making an important decision about how he would continue living his life. That discussion captured our attention.

Sometimes we concentrate on the wrong things and fail to enjoy this journey called life -- the coffee in the cup. Why are you here? What time is it in your life?

Don't let the cups distract you from the coffee inside.

■ Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker who lives in Winston-Salem. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.