ALSTON COLUMN: Acts of kindness spread goodwill

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. -- Maria Robinson

It was a random act of kindness that led to an unexpected act of generosity. Someone else may have benefited from this chain reaction that started with two people acknowledging each other. I'll never know the ultimate impact of the connection. I didn't know what started the benevolent act until moments later.

My wife and I were eating out recently when she motioned to a couple at the table next to ours and said, "Let's pick up their bill." Just like that, the deed was done. She walked over, introduced herself to the couple and asked if we could pay for their meal. We picked up the tab, had a brief conversation with them and were on our way. They seemed surprised and were smiling when we left.

On the way home, I asked my wife why she decided to pay for the couple's dinner. The woman was in a wheelchair. She was being pushed by her husband through the line in the cafeteria when we arrived. She and my wife made eye contact at some point, and the lady smiled. That was it, a simple smile, a small act the woman could not have known would benefit her. Maybe another person was also a beneficiary of what began with a warm smile.

I once read that legendary football coach Vince Lombardi used to start off each training season by sitting players down and delivering a brief lecture. "Gentlemen, today we're going to get back to the basics of the game. This (holding the pigskin over his head) is a football!"

It doesn't get any more elementary than that.

According to writer Michael Angier in the article, "Getting Back to Basics," Lombardi "knew the importance of understanding and reviewing the fundamentals of the sport. And in the complex world in which we live, it's good for us to do the same."

Sometimes those basics are simple rules for living, including small acts of kindness that create goodwill beyond the initial act. It has a ripple effect.

I remember a facilitator who helped a group I was in develop basic rules for participating in a class. "What should the ground rules be for this class?" she asked. A few minutes later, the group had a working list of behaviors to model that included respecting others' opinions, participating in class, one person speaking at a time and being on time. We also agreed to ask questions if we didn't understand something.

"Those are good rules to live by," I thought, wondering what it would be like to have a personal facilitator, a person to help guide you through the day, reminding you to do the simple things that can have a positive impact on others.

I was sharing that idea with Ann during a leadership-training program recently. Like Lombardi, she believes in getting the basics right, too. Simple acts of kindness make a difference. She read an article recently about a man who set out to say good things to every person whose path he crossed during a 30-day period. She was impressed and inspired by his commitment. "You can't deny when someone does some unexpected kindness," she told me. "It is so simple to do."

She recalled a time, after moving here from up north, when a stranger spoke to her. "You doing all right?" the woman asked, standing in the checkout line in the grocery store. Ann was surprised when she realized the woman was talking to her. "I am fine," she responded, looking back at the woman. She smiled, recalling the story.

Such simple acts can deposit a good feeling in others that may, in turn, affect the next person they come in contact with.

Ann's intention is to practice these tiny but powerful acts of kindness several times a day. It could be as simple as looking a person in the eye, smiling and saying hello, she says. Usually, the act is reciprocated. They pleasantly surprise people, says Ann. "It's a feeling inside that it is the right thing to do."

That's a good rule to live by.

■ Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker who lives in Winston-Salem. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.