Fond Farewell: A life well lived, a life to celebrate

By: Nigel Alston | Winston-Salem Journal
Published: February 22, 2009

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

-- Pericles

I believe Mama Florence, my grandmother, was happy last Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2009. It was a clear, cool, sunny day. Almost all of her family was in church and it was because of her that we were assembled as one. The occasion: to celebrate the life she lived, all 101 years. Florence Amelia DeWalt Alston died Thursday, Feb. 12.

I believe that Mama Florence is looking down on us now with a smile on her face. She would be proud.

Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one has shed more than a few tears, reflected on their life, laughed with family and been comforted by friends. There is a time for everything, it says in the book of Ecclesiastes, a season for every activity under the heaven.

There is a time to weep. We did that too, each one of us at different times. It happens in a moment that catches you unaware. And there is a time to laugh. We laughed with Mama Florence laughing at President Obama's name.

We reminisced as we looked through pictures to include in the program. "So, do you remember this picture," my sister, Gloria, asked. "Who is that?" I wanted to know. "I think that is her mother."

There was one of a young Florence posing solo, in her Sunday best, with her head tilted slightly and her hands cupped in front; another with my grandfather, Johnny Oliver Alston, Sr.; and, one of both her sons, Johnny and Eldridge, with their wives. I had not seen that picture before. Those pictures are worth more than 10,000 words -- they told the story of how far she came by faith.

There is also time needed to select the songs for the day of the service. Mama Florence was a member of St. James A.M.E. Church for 80 years and sang in the choir. She would have enjoyed listening to "When Peace, Like a River", "Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound" and "Oh, I Want to See Him." We certainly did. And I know she would have remembered "I'll Fly Away."

I learned a few things about my grandmother, too. She graduated from La-Mae Beauty College during the 9th Annual Graduation Exercises held at Hanes Memorial C.M.E. Church. Baccalaureate Services were conducted on Sunday, April 28, 1946, at 3 p.m. with the commencement exercises the following day at 8 p.m., according to the program.

And there was her "Personal Data Sheet," what we would call a resume today. It was prepared sometime in 1958. Some of the words are faded out and the paper is almost yellow from age.

She indicated she was married and in good health, that she was a graduate of Drayton High School in Newberry, S.C. and "shall be graduated from Russell's Commercial School ... in 1958." She had knowledge of filing and office practices, typed at a speed of 30-35 words a minute and could take shorthand at a speed of 70 words a minute. Mrs. L.E. Russell of the school, the Rev. L.M. Thompson and her next-door neighbor, Mrs. Edith Hammond, were listed as references.

Irene Allen captured her perfectly in the church resolution, chronicling her involvement in the church, as did Doris Robinson, who represented the Daughters of Isis, Sethos Court No. 105. She talked about how they loved to come to Florence's house for meetings. She always had good food. That produced a little laughter and provided a respite from the tears.

It was good to see my cousins again, Yvonne and Gerald, and his daughter, Candy. Her 10-month-old, Tyler, is the youngest member of the family now. Florence would have loved to see him crawl around and laugh.

We said our farewells, told her we loved her and to tell granddaddy, Uncle Johnny, Kirk and Yvette hello for us. Her husband, son and two grandchildren preceded her in death.

Mama Florence prayed for us, protected us, encouraged us, motivated us, involved us, taught us and was concerned about us. I don't think she ever stopped thinking about us. And, as my sister said, moments before we left her side, shortly after her death, and filled with emotion -- "she gave us a chance." What more could you ask for?

Mama Florence is at peace now and her spirit is woven into those she leaves behind.

■ Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker who lives in Winston-Salem. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.