Ask Amy - Crotchety Guy: Uncle irked that nephew asks for money

By: JournalNow Staff | TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES
Published: December 19, 2009

Dear Amy: My nephew sent me and a lot of other people an e-mail asking for money for a Christmas gift. He said he wants to raise money to attend a baseball-coaching clinic and sent his request along with a link to the clinic's Web site so we could see what our money was purchasing.

Is this an appropriate act by an 11-year-old? If not, should I express my concern to his mother, to him or to both of them? When I was that age (I am now 67), I would not have dreamed of approaching my friends and relatives and asking so forthrightly for money, but perhaps times have changed.

Coincidentally, his mother had already notified me of his Christmas wish, and I was already going to contribute, so the unnecessary e-mail caught me by surprise. -- James

Dear James: To clarify, you don't object to your nephew's request, but only to the fact that he sent an e-mail making the request personally.

Back in the day when you were this boy's age, a kid would have distributed paper fliers to family members asking them to kick in so he could go to band camp or buy uniforms for the Little League team. No doubt the child would also have faced at least one crotchety family member who didn't want to be personally tapped for a contribution by a pushy kid.

I hate to break it to you, but in the current scenario, you are that crotchety guy. I bet there are other family members who feel very different than you and who would have insisted to the boy's mother when she made the request, "If he wants money from me, he should ask me for it himself!"

Dear Amy: I found out that my husband's side of the family is yet again having a "gift exchange" in which we give a gift to the person whose name we've picked out of a hat.

There is one rule: no gift cards.

I am not fond of this idea, but in past years I've exchanged a gift despite my objections, and kept quiet.

All relatives are adults, and I can't see the purpose of giving a gift to a person whom I do not really even know and see only once a year.

I would much rather pool our money or donate it to someone in need. I've made this suggestion, but no one wants to mess with their tradition. I understand that the grandparents get joy out of seeing all of us open our gifts and then pass them around, but we are adults. Isn't this a bit childish, or am I just being selfish? How can I get out of this silly tradition? -- Bothered

Dear Bothered: Not only do I approve of your in-law family's gift-exchange tradition, but I am also tempted to try to marry into the family myself in order to participate in it.

Drawing names is a great way to cut down on the number of gifts exchanged; it also gives you an opportunity to get to know the person whose name you've drawn.

Readers may send questions to Ask Amy via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. An archive of Ask Amy advice columns is available at the Winston-Salem Journal's Web site at www.journalnow.com.