Some things are simply unforgettable - maybe

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. - Kevin Arnold

I believe the thing we all will miss the most, when it goes, is our memory; our ability to store, retain and subsequently retrieve information and personal experiences -- when we want to. There are times when I need a memory stick to plug in, look at the files and retrieve the information I need at the moment. At the same time, I believe there are certain things you don't forget; they stick with you always. That thought was prompted by a conversation with a friend. Ironically, I don't remember what he said; however, I do remember sharing an incident with him to illustrate my point.

It might have been my freshman year at Livingstone College, where I played football. I remember the event, not the date. I remember what the coach said as if it were yesterday. During practice one evening, the defensive team was running through its drills for the day and going over the scouting reports for the opposing team.

Coach Fletcher Jones, our defensive coordinator, was a big man. Really big! And he commanded your attention, with or without his paddle. He used it from time to time to reinforce his point -- on your behind. That's a story for another day. I tried to avoid contact with it by doing what he said, when he said it, the way he wanted it done. That was the key. As I recall, one player just wasn't getting the job done that day in practice. Basically, he was indecisive. There was no action on his part, or not enough. And that is what irritated Coach Jones as he barked out a few choice words -- I can't repeat them here -- and some advice I remember to this day: "Do something, even if it is wrong," he said with a sense of urgency. "At least I can correct you." I think he might have used his paddle that day, too. In other words, act! With action, he, the coach, could provide the feedback necessary to make adjustments and move us in the right direction. That stuck with me.

I believe, even if you have difficulty recalling or retrieving information from your memory bank -- especially if you are more mature (becoming older), as I am -- there are some things you don't forget. They are the defining moments in your life, the ones that stand out so much or had a significant impact on you and your life that they come to mind easily when prompted. They can be funny moments, too.

All of us forget things once in a while; that's normal. Like going into a room and forgetting why you are there. Or, misplacing your eyeglasses, as I did once, OK, more than one time. I went back into the house, looked around for them, only to find them in my coat pocket. Duh!

My wife has a word for that: absent-mindedness. Others attribute it to doing too much or to information overload. In either event, we forget stuff, and the frequency seems to be increasing. And that is a normal part of aging, too. Recent research indicates that getting older has an impact on attention processes, our ability to get new information into storage, recall time and "tip of the tongue" experiences.

My wife and I were trying to remember a person whose name escaped us at the moment. Yes, we are both getting older (don't tell her I said that). We could see the person, had the name on the tips of our tongues, but just could not recall it. I know you can identify. Moments later, like a news flash, presto, the name surfaced. Whew, there is a sense of relief when that happens. When you remember like that, you have to blurt it out, then. "It was …!" If you don't do that at that moment, you risk losing the information again.

There are some myths about memory, too. One is that forgetfulness is a sign that something is wrong with your brain. According to information on the Better Health Channel Web site, "If we didn't possess the capacity to forget, we'd all go crazy." There is some stuff you don't want to remember. "The ability to remember what is important and discard the rest is a skill to be treasured."

I think the process of discarding some things is naturally happening for me as I age. You can call it old age, having too much to do, information overload or, thanks to my wife -- absent-mindedness. However, there are some things I'll never forget. And then again …

■ Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.