The Pains of Separation

Michael Martin of Walkertown and his wife, Christina, want all the things most married couples take for granted, things like living under the same roof, putting down roots and starting a family.

But they'll have to wait months before they can pursue them.

That's because both of them are in the U.S. Army, and each has been serving in a different part of Iraq. Michael, 29, is a tank commander in Ramadi. Christina, 25, is a medical-services officer in Baghdad. The Martins, who also served for several months in Iraq in 2004, will probably leave Iraq by late August.

Christina grew up in a lot of places because her father was a career military man stationed in different places all over the world. She met Michael in 2002 when they were both in ROTC training at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. They got married the next year.

"I have seen both types of couples; those that are actually allowed to live together and those like (us)," she said.

Sharlene Martin, Michael's mother, who lives in Walkertown, said she feels that the military does what it can to accommodate married couples who have enlisted in the service, noting that Michael and Christina lived in an apartment when the two were stationed in Germany. The two saw each other daily unless, as both Michael and Christina said, training separated them for anywhere from a week to a month.

Sharlene said that Michael requested - and received - a transfer to Christina's company. The idea was for the two to stay together and serve their tour at the same time. It didn't quite work out that way.

"They put you where they need you," Sharlene said.

A world of war-related dangers lies between Ramadi and Baghdad. So reunions of the Martins are rare at best.

They said they have seen each other only once since their current Iraq tour began last September. The visit lasted just a couple of days. It came about when Christina hopped on a BlackHawk helicopter and flew to Ramadi to visit her husband. The trip, which had several stops, lasted a couple of hours.

"The truth is that numerous BlackHawks have been shot down in Baghdad, so there is a real threat there," Christina said in an e-mail. "But honestly, I was so excited to be going there I didn't think about it."

Michael seemed philosophical.

"Travel in Iraq is always dangerous, but so is almost everything else that we do here," he said in an e-mail. "You just accept the risks and do it anyway."

That kind of stoicism seems to extend to everything Michael and Christina are doing. Both consider it an honor to serve.

Michael, an executive officer, is responsible for several things, including 50 square miles of land and 3,000 Iraqis in the western part of the country. He also manages his company commander's "property," which, from provisions to weapons, is worth more than $70 million. He said he is filling in for his company commander, who is now on R&R.

Christina, who is also an executive officer, works at a medical facility where they treat "anything from the common cold to bilateral leg amputation from an IED blast," she said.

The Martins are also doing their best to keep alive, to keep those around them alive and to cope with the loss of soldiers who have fallen in battle.

But the truth is that "they miss each other so much," Sharlene said. And the truth is that keeping busy and exchanging e-mails in spare moments can do only so much to lessen the pain of separation, however aware military families are that it could happen.

"I wouldn't recommend this to anyone," Michael said in an e-mail. "It is extremely difficult, and can be overwhelming on the senses when you are in areas like this.

"Having strong friendships around you is very important," he said. "Without someone to talk to, it can get very lonely and overwhelming quickly."

Michael said he is grateful for chaplains who double as counselors and who "can help you with any problem." And Christina turns to a great roommate, Lynn Gouthro, to "just talk about everything on my mind."

And both Martins rely on the love and support of family and friends at home.

If all goes as planned, the Martins will enjoy two weeks of R&R, with the Army paying for the flight to wherever they want to go. After that, they'll likely end up at a base in the United States. Michael will remain in the military, his career, and take additional training. Christina will leave the military and plans to become a stay-at-home mom.

For now, the Martins think their war-induced separation will have a positive effect on their marriage.

"We will be able to understand each other's experiences and be able to share stories for years to come," Christina said in an e-mail.

"I think it will only make (our marriage) stronger," Michael says. "Once you can survive something like this, you can survive anything."

• Ken Keuffel can be reached at 727-7337 or at kkeuffel@wsjournal.com.