Worlds Apart

Matt Bowen is in northern Iraq, now, in the throes of an international conflict with long-term, worldwide ramifications.
Baghdad has erupted in sectarian violence. Saddam Hussein's trial is coming to a close.
Half a world away, in a quiet western Forsyth County subdivision, Bowen's two boys, Sawyer, 6, and Henry, 1, play with action figures, watch videos and build forts out of pillows. Their mother, Sandy, fixes macaroni and cheese for supper, hauls the trash to the curb and balances the checkbook.
In some ways, life is normal for Sandy Bowen and the boys. In other ways, it's not right at all.
Matt Bowen, 34, is a captain with the 1st Battalion, 485th Regiment, 108th Division of the U.S. Army. He left for Fort Hood, Texas, on April 28 and Kuwait on June 18 - Father's Day. After a few weeks at a camp outside of Baghdad, he is now in Tal Afar in northern Iraq, where he trains Iraqi soldiers.
The day-to-day duties of raising two rambunctious boys and managing a household falls on Sandy, 36, a stay-at-home mom.
Adjusting to life without Matt took some time.
"It's very difficult," she said as she watched Sawyer and Henry carry every pillow in the house to the foyer. "I imagined it was going to be hard. It's harder than I thought."
When Matt was around, Sandy could fix supper while he played outside with the boys. Early on, Sawyer missed those times with his dad and expressed his frustration through cranky behavior.
"I'm having to say, 'Look, I'm only one person,'" Sandy said. "It's hard when you've always had two parents to share those responsibilities."
Friends, family and neighbors have pitched in to help. Fellow church members from Maple Springs United Methodist Church have brought over meals; two men take turns mowing the yard; neighbors have babysat; Sandy's only relative in town - her parents live in Raleigh - has watched Henry while Sandy takes Sawyer to tae kwon do practice, giving them time alone.
Several weeks ago, some middle-school kids who live in the neighborhood stopped by the house one evening and played games with Sawyer.
"It was such a needed break. It was 45 minutes to an hour where someone keeps Sawyer happy while I get Henry bathed," Sandy said.
These small gestures have made life easier for Sandy. While the support system can take over some of Matt's duties, it can't replace Matt, the loving husband and faithful friend.
Kim Moser, Sandy's younger sister and only sibling, said that it took her a little while to realize how much Sandy missed Matt's friendship. Sandy and Matt talked often during the day and met frequently for lunch, Moser said.
"Just not having that companionship on a day-to-day basis has been one of the more surprising challenges of this. We tend to think, 'Oh, she's got the burden of everything,' but then on top of that, she doesn't have her best friend to talk to," said Moser, who lives in Cary.
Matt, a pharmaceutical representative with Novartis, will be in Iraq for a year. His strong sense of patriotism after Sept. 11 led him to enlist in the Army Reserves.
He was easily reached by phone when he was at Fort Hood. He and Sandy also e-mailed and used a camera attached to the Internet so that they could see each other. Daily communication ended on Father's Day, when Matt flew to Kuwait.
Before he left, Sandy and Matt's parents used a WebCam to say goodbye.
"That was really emotional," Sandy said. "Just an 'I love you before I board the plane.'"
Sandy joined an e-mail group that includes other wives and a mother in Matt's unit. They keep each other informed about events, such as when the soldiers arrived in Kuwait.
In Iraq, Matt has limited access to the Internet, which allows him to e-mail, but he can no longer use a Web camera. Phones aren't readily available. She misses hearing his voice.
The uncertainty of where Matt is, what he is doing and how to reach him adds another layer of stress for Sandy.
One of the early lessons Sandy learned is not to spend important dates, such as holidays, without plenty of friends and family. Memorial Day, for instance, was lonesome.
Besides spending Father's Day with Matt's parents, Sandy spent her 13th wedding anniversary with a close friend. They went shopping and ate at a restaurant. "That was nice to honor that special occasion," Sandy said, "even though it was with a girlfriend."
Matt, Sandy said, is doing well in Iraq and bonding with the soldiers in his unit, but she can tell he misses home. When she e-mails him photographs of the boys, he often comments on how much they have grown.
Matt took a few mementos with him, including a teddy bear with three hearts that represent Sandy and his two boys. The bear has become a mascot, showing up in photographs with Matt, while dressed in Army gear.
"It's funny that a little bear can give you comfort, but when I am tired and homesick, I can look at teddy and feel instantly better," Matt wrote in an e-mail while he was still at Fort Hood.
He has applied to take his two-week leave a few days before Christmas.
Sandy has learned to hide her anxiety, though she has had a few teary breakdowns away from Sawyer and Henry.
"Normally," she said, "I do what I have to do, because I know I have to."