Family Service

Sawyer Bowen, a bashful boy with a gap-toothed smile, radiates pride as he looks at his father in the chair beside him. Matt Bowen can't see his son. His eyes are focused on the pages of a book he is reading to Sawyer's kindergarten classmates. "Say a prayer," Matt Bowen says, his voice catching on the words, "for the military dads to return safely."
Bowen is a soldier. This morning, he said goodbye to his wife, Sandy, and their two sons, Sawyer, 6, and Henry, 1, and boarded a plane bound for Fort McClellan, Ala. In three days, he will be in Fort Hood, Texas. Forty-five days after that, he will be in Kuwait. By mid-June, Bowen will begin a tour of Iraq that will likely last a year.
He hopes to see his family again during a two-week leave that he expects to take around Christmas.
The war in Iraq has splintered thousands of families. One spouse goes to war, leaving the other behind to raise the children, manage the household and live as normally as possibly while trying to suppress an undercurrent of worry for a loved one in a dangerous place.
According to the Defense Department, 748,610 out of 1.36 million service members were married in 2005.
The Bowens, who have been married for 12 years, normally divide household and child-rearing chores. Sandy, 36, stays with Henry during the day, housekeeps and regularly volunteers at Jefferson Elementary School, where Sawyer goes to kindergarten. Her break comes late in the afternoon when Matt gets home from his job as a pharmaceutical salesman with Novartis.
Matt, 34, herds the boys outside or to the basement, which is a little boy's dream world - crammed with plastic Army men, action figures, Hot Wheels and a TV tuned to cartoons.
This gives Sandy a breather before starting dinner. Later, Matt bathes the boys and tucks them into bed.
Starting today, everything falls on Sandy - caring for the boys, washing clothes, paying bills, taking out the trash, maintaining the cars, picking up Sawyer from tae-kwon-do, planning family trips. Somewhere in her packed schedule, she knows that she will have to find time for herself, to read a book, hang out with friends, volunteer at church or simply sit in solitude.
Her parents, who live in Raleigh, are retired and will be over often to help. So will Matt's family, as well as friends from Maple Springs United Methodist Church and the neighborhood.
Sandy says she is not one to ask for help, "but if someone offers, I'll take it."
She has taken some steps to lighten her load, including hiring a housekeeper and lining up baby-sitting help.
The strain she is likely to feel is tempered by the pride that she said she feels toward Matt and his sense of patriotism and duty. Matt served in the Army from 1994 to 1999 and was deployed to Kuwait for four months in 1998. He decided not to re-enlist, and the family moved to Winston-Salem.
Matt was so outraged after Sept. 11, 2001, that he had trouble sleeping. Eventually, he decided to enlist in the Army Reserves. Sandy had mixed emotions.
"I've never loved living the military life, but Matt has such a passion and love for the Army," she said one afternoon as Matt and the boys played in the basement. "And if that's what he wants, he should do it."
His unit, the 1st Battalion, 485th Regiment 108th Division, did not seem likely to be deployed to Iraq, Sandy said she thought. She said she figured that Matt would be gone one weekend a month.
As the war progressed, it became clear within the last year that Matt's unit would be deployed. His orders came in late March. Shortly after, they went to a farewell party for reservists at the Army Reserve Center on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive.
As their time together dwindled, they spent every second they could with each other. They took a trip to Disney World earlier this month, but mostly they have enjoyed the simple pleasures of family life - grilling food and eating on their deck, going to Warthogs' baseball games and playing games together.
They also made the family rounds on Easter weekend, visiting Sandy's family in Raleigh and Matt's family in Washington, where he devoured hotdogs at one of his favorite restaurants.
Last weekend, Matt and Sandy rented a cabin in Dobson so they could be alone.
Matt, whose leave with Novartis started in mid-April, also checked off chores from a "honey-do" list, including repairing a tree house and putting up blinds.
On Wednesday, he ate lunch with Sawyer and read My Military Dad to Sawyer's class. He wanted to read a book that would convey to the children what Sawyer was about to experience. Afterward, the children stood and sang "You're a Grand Old Flag" and "America the Beautiful" to Matt. He also answered some of the children's questions.
"Am I going to war?" Matt repeated a boy's question. "Yeah."
Sawyer, who loves everything to do with the Army, knows his dad is going away, but he has no concept of how long a year really is. They have tried to explain that he will be gone from one birthday to the next.
"He's so close to his daddy," Sandy said.
Matt knows that Sandy is a strong woman who will persevere.
"I'm proud of my family. I know she will be taken care of well here," he said. "I don't have too many worries."
As Matt's plane soared into this morning's sky, Sandy and Henry were at Jefferson Elementary School where she heard Sawyer read a book that he wrote and illustrated.
The book includes crayon drawings of a father and son working on a barn in the mountains. The title of the book is My Dad.