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Takes only a minute to make lasting difference
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Published: September 20, 2009
"Not what we give,
But what we share,
For the gift
without the giver
Is bare."
--
James Russell Lowell
After bringing our drink orders -- water and tea -- to the table, the waitress politely informed us about the special dishes for the day. She didn't miss a beat. She confidently described each one without looking at her notes. "I'm impressed," I told her.
I think the comment took her by surprise. It was just an honest response to what I observed. Even though she was just doing her job, she was appreciative. So much so that she smiled and went on to explain that she had been struggling with the long list of items earlier in the day. My compliment seemed to give her a sense of accomplishment. It may have made her day.
The power of observation and taking a moment, however brief, to provide feedback can have a lasting impact. It has the power to change a person's life, their attitude and willingness to keep trying. And it can last far beyond the moment.
Steve Goodier, in his book, One Minute Can Change Your Life, shares a story about the author Sherman Rogers. During his college years, Rogers spent a summer in an Idaho logging camp. One day, the superintendent had to leave for a few days and he put Rogers in charge.
"What if the men refuse to follow my orders?" Rogers asked. He was thinking of Tony, an immigrant worker who grumbled and growled all day, giving the other men a hard time. He was ready to remove the problem.
"Fire them," the superintendent said. Then, as if reading Rogers' mind, he added, "I suppose you think you are going to fire Tony if you get the chance. I'd feel badly about that. I have been logging for 40 years. Tony is the most reliable worker I've ever had. I know he is a grouch and that he hates everybody and everything. But he comes in first and leaves last. There has not been an accident for eight years on the hill where he works." Obviously, the superintendent had been paying attention to the work habits of his workers and knew their strengths and weaknesses.
Rogers took over the next day, armed with the information his boss had shared. He went to Tony and spoke to him. "Tony, do you know I'm in charge here today?" Tony grunted. That was expected. "I was going to fire you the first time we tangled, but I want you to know I'm not," he said. He told Tony what the superintendent had said about his reliability.
When he finished, Tony dropped the shovelful of sand he had held and tears streamed down his face. "Why he no tell me dat eight years ago?" Tony asked.
That day Tony worked harder than ever before -- and he smiled. He later said to Rogers, "I told Maria you first foreman in deese country who ever say, ‘Good work, Tony,' and it make Maria feel like Christmas."
Rogers went back to school after that summer. Twelve years later, he met Tony again. He was now superintendent for railroad construction for one of the largest logging companies in the West. Rogers asked him how he came to California and happened to have such success.
"If it not be for the one minute you talk to me back in Idaho, I keel somebody someday. One minute, it change my whole life," replied Tony.
Effective leaders know the importance of taking a moment to point out what a person is doing well. Isn't it powerful the difference even a small gesture of affirmation can make in a relationship?
In one minute you can thank someone for doing a good job. You can tell a person what you sincerely like or appreciate about them. Maybe even elaborate on something that impressed you, like my compliment to the waitress that led her to explain the challenges she faced.
One minute. It's a deposit that can yield positive returns.
Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker who lives in Winston-Salem. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.
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