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Ask Amy - Why so much confusion? 'No gifts' means exactly that
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Published: November 8, 2009
Dear Amy: I received an invitation to "celebrate a marriage with dinner and dance." This is a second marriage for both bride and groom. Along with the invitation was a note saying, "No gifts, please."
Does this mean cash only? I've never received this type of invitation before so I thought I better ask you to interpret. -- Confused
Dear Confused: Your query illustrates why marrying couples sometimes feel that they just can't win. If they have a second wedding permitting gifts, they are
criticized for "gift-grabbing," and yet the exceedingly simple instruction, "No gifts, please," seems to bring on a profound level of confusion. So, let me explain those three little words.
"No gifts, please" means no gifts, please. No slow cookers, no checks, no donations to the charity of the couple's choosing. No gifts. Period.
This generous couple is trying to include you in their marriage celebration. They will be the hosts of the event. Your gift to the couple should be to show up, have a wonderful time, dance the Macarena and engage in chitchat with the couple and their other friends and family.
Afterward, you should send them a note thanking them for the event and wishing them all the best in their new life.
Dear Amy: A reader wrote in upset that a restaurant manager asked for a tip for a takeout order. I had a similar experience.
I called in a to-go order, went to pick it up and the hostess asked, "How much of a tip would you like to add?" I said, "I don't tip at McDonald's or Taco Bell, so why should I tip on this to-go order?" She said, "Well, I took your order and gave it to the kitchen, so I should get a tip." I then asked if she received an hourly wage, and she said she did. I told her, "Well then, you are doing your job and getting paid for it." -- Renee in California
Dear Renee: This topic has engendered a variety of responses on both sides of the issue. Me? I favor a tiny tip to go.
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