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Before the time is up, ask what it is you value most
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Published: June 28, 2009
Life is primarily about people, not plans; about relationships, not real estate.
Steve Goodier
Several years ago, Steve Goodier, an author and minister, was on "evacuation alert" because of the wildfires spreading near his Colorado home. "What would you try to save if your house were on fire?" he asked in an e-mail message, as he prepared to leave his home.
"Most people answer that they would rescue people and pets and as many photographs and memories as possible," he said. That doesn't surprise me. Those are the things people value most when faced with a loss -- the things they cannot replace.
That prompted me to a look around our house recently at the things that occupy it: the furniture, pictures that hang on the walls, the books that fill the shelves, the many picture albums accumulated from almost 32 years of marriage.
For example, what I miss most from a school trip two years ago in which the cruise ship we were on slowly sank after hitting a reef off the coast of Greece were most of the pictures I took. We replaced clothes, the computer and other items that we had to leave behind, but it is what the pictures represented -- the memories of the time spent with people, the places we traveled and the good times we had -- that can't be replaced.
Bob Parks, the author, storyteller, trainer and motivational speaker, wrote an article once titled, "What do you value most?" The question doesn't immediately produce a single answer, at least not for me. It's more of a "Hmmm, let me think about that for a moment" reaction.
In the article, Parks tells the story of Jack, who received a long-distance telephone call from his mother informing him that their next-door neighbor, Mr. Belser, had died. It had been a long time since Jack had seen or spoken to him. Like so many people, he was consumed with his work, trying to find time to spend with his family and plan his future.
Mr. Belser had always asked about Jack, according to his mother. He made arrangements to fly across the country to attend the funeral and after doing so, visited Mr. Belser's house with his mother one last time. It brought back memories that rushed through him like a flood. It was like stepping back in time.
"I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important," Jack remembered. He had been reminded by his mother how Mr. Belser made sure he had a man's influence in his life after Jack's father had died. He had taught Jack carpentry.
Walking through Mr. Belser's house, Jack found it to be exactly as he remembered it, except for one thing. A small gold box was missing. According to Jack, he asked Mr. Belser about the contents of that box "a thousand times." Each time produced the same answer: "The thing I value most." Now, he thought, he would never know what that "thing" was.
Time would change all that, though, and Jack would find the answer he sought and be moved by it. A couple of weeks after attending the funeral, he received a package in the mail. He opened it and found a gold box and an envelope that contained the "thing" Mr. Belser valued most.
"Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside," Perks wrote. Mr. Belser had left behind instructions for the box and its contents to be forwarded to Jack at his death, with this note: "It's the thing I valued most in my life." Inside the box was a gold pocket watch with these words engraved on the cover of the watch: "Jack, Thanks for your time! Harold Belser." The thing Mr. Belser had valued most was the time he shared with Jack. At his death, Mr. Belser had helped Jack realize what he valued most. That moment moved him to call his office and clear his schedule for several days to spend more time with his son.
Thanks for reading what I have to share each week and for sharing your thoughts with me. It is an investment of your time, and that's one of the things I value most.
■ Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker who lives in Winston-Salem. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.
He will be on break during the month of July. His column will resume in August.
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