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Getting help is hard for gay domestic violence victims
Photo courtesy of Tonya Windsor
Samantha Gutierrez, homicide victim
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Published: September 17, 2008
Southmont, NC - A year ago, Samantha Gutierrez met Tammy Starlette Miller West and fell in love. On Labor Day, that love ended in death.
West is now in the Davidson County Jail. She is charged with murder in the death of Gutierrez, her live-in girlfriend. West has not yet made a plea in the case. She is scheduled to appear in court Nov. 18. Her court-appointed attorney, Charles Harp, declined to comment on the case.
The relationship showed the classic signs of domestic violence, relatives said. Gutierrez tried to leave, and filed charges against West in January. But the charges were dismissed when Gutierrez didn't show up in court.
A week before she died, Gutierrez told her sister she was planning to leave for good.
For victims of domestic violence who are in same-sex relationships, seeking and getting help is doubly hard, advocates of domestic violence say.
"They have to continually 'out' themselves in the process of trying to get help," said April Burgess-Johnson, the director of outreach and prevention for the N.C. Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Reliable statistics about domestic violence among same-sex couples are hard to come by, experts say.
According to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, there were 3,534 reported incidents of domestic violence against lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender persons in 2006, the most recent statistics available. The data, however, is taken from major cities where anti-violence programs are found, such as Chicago, New York, San Francisco and Houston. It doesn't include any numbers from North Carolina. The N.C. Coalition Against Domestic Violence is working to change that, Burgess-Johnson said.
Studies indicate that domestic violence in same-sex couples occurs at about the same rate as it does with heterosexual couples, she said.
Victims of domestic violence can file for a restraining order under Chapter 50B in the general statutes. The law provides for protection for such groups as spouses, "persons of the opposite sex who live together or have lived together" and "persons of the opposite sex who are in a dating relationship or have been in a dating relationship."
It does not say anything specifically about same-sex couples, but gays and lesbians who live together can apply for restraining orders under the section of the law that covers current or former household members.
The law does not provide any protection for same-sex couples who are dating but not living together.
The N.C. Coalition Against Domestic Violence has been lobbying to change the law for years but the General Assembly has resisted, Burgess-Johnson said.
Gutierrez never filed for a restraining order. In January, she accused West of assaulting her and threatening to shoot her. But when Gutierrez didn't show up in court in February, the charges were dropped.
Tonya Windsor said her sister tried to leave West several times but always came back. The week before she died, Windsor said her sister told her she was going to leave West for good.
"It's really sad," she said recently. "It seems like it's a nightmare."
The biggest challenge is getting people to take domestic violence in same-sex relationships as seriously as it is taken in opposite-sex relationships, experts say.
It's easier to see abuse when a man is accused of beating his girlfriend or wife, said Shannon Gilreath, a professor at Wake Forest University School of Law who teaches a class on sexuality and the law.
"People looking at gay relationships between men seem to think there would be no power dynamic like the sort that exists in straight relationships," he said.
And because of the stigma sometimes associated with same-sex relationships, gays and lesbians are even less likely to report abuse, Gilreath said.
"We know domestic violence statistics are overwhelmingly underreported," he said. "We just suspect that there is a greater underreporting in the gay and lesbian community because of the stigma of announcing sexual orientation."
Gay people worry about how law-enforcement and other agencies will respond to their sexual orientation, Gilreath said.
Some abusers may also intimidate their partners by threatening to expose their sexual orientation, said Christine Murray, a professor of counseling at UNC Greensboro and a co-director of Project Safe Love, which provides resources for victims and abusers in same-sex relationships.
And if a person hasn't come out to their family, they might not be able to turn to their relatives for help, Murray said.
Some domestic-violence programs may not be suited for victims in same-sex relationships, she said. For example, a man in a same-sex relationship wouldn't be able to stay at a shelter, which in many cases is for women and children, Murray said.
The good thing is that the law is neutral, said Samuel Johnson, a Greensboro attorney who is a member of the N.C. Gay Advocacy Legal Alliance.
"You don't have to say there is a sexual relationship," he said. "If you're under the same roof, the law is not going to ask what the nature of the relationship is."
Burgess-Johnson said she has heard anecdotally that some judges misinterpret the law. She couldn't provide any concrete examples but said judges and prosecutors are much more aware of the issue.
The N.C. Coalition Against Domestic Violence started an initiative called Project Rainbow Net after the death of a gay man in Davie County. Corey Hawkins had filed a restraining order against his estranged boyfriend, Rayford Clyde Hendrix, but in June 2003, Hawkins' body was found buried in Hendrix's backyard. He had been shot in the head. Hendrix was convicted of second-degree murder in the case and is now serving up to 30 years in prison.
Carol Manion, Hawkins' aunt, said her nephew had a hard time getting a restraining order because of his sexual orientation. His friends were eventually able to help him, and a restraining order was granted in September 2002.
Cindy Hendricks, the director of Davie Domestic Violence Services and Rape Crisis Center, said she is seeing more awareness now about the issue. Judges and prosecutors are treating crimes against gays and lesbians as seriously as they do with heterosexuals, she said.
Manion said Project Rainbow Net has helped train law-enforcement officials and domestic-violence workers on the issue of same-sex couples and domestic violence. That training is working, she said.
"I feel like it's making a difference statewide," Manion said.
Norma Gill is just beginning to deal with the death of her daughter, Samantha Gutierrez.
"I never thought it would come to the point of a gun," she said. "You never know what goes on behind closed doors."
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