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Teachable Moments: Paying attention to opportunities
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Published: May 7, 2008
What we see depends mainly on what we look for. -- Ohn Lubbock
Sometimes people want and need help and don't ask, or don't know how to, Rep. Larry Womble told me as we talked about a Kodak moment that occurred at a lunch held recently for actress Pam Grier.
Six of us joined Grier around a table at a local restaurant. It would be a treat beyond meeting and listening to her share stories about her background, career and success in life helping people.
Grier was in town to accept a Master of Cinema award from the RiverRun International Film Festival for her contribution on the big screen over a 35-year career. She was born in Winston-Salem at the black hospital, Katie B., as we referred to it. Her father was a native of the city, and her mother was here at the time visiting his family when she was born.
Before a scheduled conversation Grier would have with Dale Pollock at the Stevens Center, we all sat around the table talking. It was an opportunity for us -- my wife and me; Womble and his son, Jamaal; Pollock and his little brother (in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program), Jordan -- to spend a few minutes socializing with Grier.
Jordan is a third-grader at Easton Elementary School. He was born about the time Pollock came to this community, nine years ago, as the dean of the Film School at the N.C. School of the Arts. Jordan was along with Pollock, his "big" as Big Brothers and Sisters are called, hanging out and enjoying the day. He has a great personality, a Magic Johnson smile and curious, bright eyes. "He is cute as a button," my wife said.
Since my role in the program was to introduce Grier and Pollock to an eager audience, Pollock and I discussed the logistics of our participation -- who was going to do what when. It was shortly after placing our orders that it happened.
Jordan had looked over the options for lunch and decided on the same entrée I selected, pancakes with fried chicken nuggets, butter and syrup. It is my favorite. Here we were, a small group, sitting in an intimate setting, enjoying the company of a star who has made her mark on the big screen, on TV and in life.
The food was served and everyone started to eat, although Jordan had a little bit of a challenge. How do I start with these pancakes? was the look expressed on his face as he removed the chicken pieces from his plate first, setting them on another plate to the side. Next, he picked up his fork and knife and held them suspended above his food, looking down at his plate. Unbeknownst to him, eyes were watching to see his next move.
Recognizing that the boy had a problem, Jamaal asked him if he needed some help. We all do, at one time or another, don't we? Jordan didn't hesitate, saying yes. Jamaal took the knife and fork and demonstrated how to cut the pancakes and then allowed Jordan to do it himself. A teachable moment happened in the flash of the eye. A young college student and an elementary-school student connected. It was a defining moment, one indelibly imprinted in all of our memories.
As I talked with Womble later, he said that he was glad to see, as a father, his son respond in a way that he had been taught. Any parent is proud when his or her children do things that reflect their upbringing. It is an indication that your efforts are paying off.
Here was a grade-school student at a crossroad. What do I do next? It was also a lesson in how we can help each other. We don't have to wait until someone asks for help; we can volunteer assistance. A burden might be lifted as a result. Opportunities present themselves daily, don't they?
Jamaal demonstrated his concern through his actions, something he talks about doing more of as he finishes his degree in sociology at Winston-Salem State University, and makes a decision on graduate school. He wants to make a difference with people.
He is off to a great start. As my wife commented later, he is a gentle young man. She thought it was a nice gesture on his part to offer help. "It was just a wonderful sight," she said, recalling the encounter.
After lunch, Jordan did what most third-graders would do. Instead of walking up the steps, he took the road less traveled, running up the side of the grassy hill to the landing. That was a little more adventurous. Later he would become restless, sitting in the Stevens Center, listening to his Big Brother ask the famous actress questions. That's when he leaned over and asked me: "How much longer is this?" I smiled and said, just a few more minutes.
■ Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.
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