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Staying in Touch: Cell-phone use can undermine courtesy
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Published: April 23, 2008
"It is routine nowadays for people to answer calls in cinemas, restaurants, and public toilets, even at weddings and funerals."-- From "Family Ties," The Economist, April 10.
Cell phones come in all shapes, sizes and colors, as do the people who use them. There is one to satisfy your personal taste and lifestyle. Fortunately, or unfortunately, though, it seems that they are also in use all the time. Often when you prefer not, as in public places where you would rather have some quiet, peaceful, "me" time.
We like to stay in touch while on the move; mobility is in our DNA. So much so that we stay connected all day, at inappropriate times and in inappropriate places, even when we could be meeting and talking to someone, possibly developing a relationship.
An entrepreneur recently shared with me that people drive up to her business using the phone. That, in and of itself, is not a problem. However, some customers shop, purchase, pay and leave without ever taking the phone out of their ears.
"Sometimes I think they're talking to me before I realize they're ‘Bluetooth-ing'," she told me. I laughed at that comment. I could identify with it, having responded to what I thought was someone speaking to me, only to find out he or she was on the phone using their hands-free device.
Have you, like me, noticed people driving to work, early in the morning, talking on their cell phones? Others enter the workplace, phones glued to their heads, talking, riding the elevator, oblivious to anyone else around them. Talk. Talk. Talk.
Driving around downtown recently, I noticed two people, almost synchronized, walking across the street, both with phones attached to their ears, just strolling and talking. Mobile technology connects us all at anytime to anyone, anywhere. When I was at lunch a few minutes later, a co-worker appeared in the restaurant, placing an order. Maybe I noticed her because I was thinking about cell phones. She paced back and forth, talking and waiting for her order. As she left, she looked at me, whispered an inaudible "bye" as she smiled, kept listening and walked out the restaurant, all in one fluid motion.
Sometimes we can appear to be rude or insensitive, as illustrated by Richard Ling, a sociologist and the author of New Tech, New Ties: How Mobile Communication Is Reshaping Social Cohesion, mentioned in The Economist. Standing on his porch one day talking to friends, the plumber, who had been called to fix a leak, appeared, cell phone in hand. He didn't break a step, walking past them into the house, apparently talking to his wife on the phone. She was more important than the courtesy of speaking to them. So much for "hello" or even a handshake.
What is happening to our social capital? Is it eroding because of advanced technology? Or, are we strengthening some ties and forgoing developing others? Our communications technology, as the Economist article goes on to explain, once stationary, is now wireless and mobile. We used to call landline phones that belonged to a place, not a person. Do you remember those days when the phone extended only as far as the cord would allow? The mobility of technology now allows us to call, text or e-mail a person whenever and wherever they are.
I conducted an informal survey about cell-phone use, and the comments didn't take long to come in. "You've surely opened a ‘can of worms' or maybe I'm just irate after watching a cell-phone user driving … with little concern for the traffic flow or the stares that she was attracting as she went along," commented a friend, the business owner mentioned earlier.
An insurance-claims professional reinforces that point, adding that cell phones are used too much when someone is behind the wheel, causing accidents. She would prefer to use them for emergencies, though she says that that is not how the world operates now.
And then there are the people who talk loud enough for you to hear their conversation while you are walking down an aisle at the grocery store. For some reason, people think everyone wants to share in their conversations. We are not interested! Stop!
An office manager shares that same sentiment and is also bothered by people who talk on the phone and tell the person right in front of them to "wait just a moment." And, she asked, wouldn't you like it if a person ended a call before he or she entered a business, especially the doctor's office?
The mother of a teenager shared her observation of young people talking on their cell phones about what they did in school, during fourth period, for example, with their BFL (best friends for life) -- I have not mastered text language -- while sitting, in a daze, at a traffic light that changes several times.
What did we do before cell phones, Blackberries and other mobile technology enabled us to connect and stay in touch 24/7?
■ Nigel Alston is a Dale Carnegie trainer and motivational speaker. He can be reached at nalston1@triad.rr.com.
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