Sadly, nearly one half of the marriages in our country end in divorce. When parties cannot seem to get along, they would be wise to invest more in marriage counseling than they do. If both parties work diligently to resolve their differences, studies show, the marriage has a decent chance of surviving, and maybe even growing.
But when those differences cannot be reconciled, parties, particularly the spouse with fewer financial resources, need to make important decisions about their future. Spouses who fail to fully assess their position and act accordingly often do great damage to their financial future.
If a marriage is experiencing significant difficulties, there are responsible steps the spouse should take.
□ Know what assets and debts there are in the marital estate and have documentation to show it. Many spouses have no working knowledge of the assets accumulated during the course of the marriage, or the amount of debt. Knowledge, as the expression goes, is power. Know all you can about your assets and finances to assure you are treated fairly.
□ Have access to liquidity so you can level the financial playing field. Many spouses make less income than the other spouse. That spouse simply does not have the financial staying power to achieve a fair resolution of the marital differences. They are, unfortunately, forced to give up and give in, to their financial detriment.
□Stay in the marital home. A spouse should not leave the marital home without a written agreement. There are harmful consequences that can flow from this decision. If you do leave the marital home (after you have in place a written agreement), take with you your most important items of tangible personal property, such as keepsakes and other treasured items. If you do not, you may go many months before you receive these items, and maybe you never receive them. .
□ Be careful about what you say to friends and family. Words and circumstances often can be misconstrued by even your closest of friends and family. Faulty memories can be a problem, too. And be mindful that all of these people may be subpoenaed to court to tell what they (think they) heard. You would be wise not to discuss the details of your marital problems with anyone, other than your attorney.
"You don't know what you don't know," my wise father used to say in an unrelated context. But his expression is wise advice in this context, too. When a marriage is in trouble, your first call should be to a marriage counselor. But if your marital problems cannot be solved, you would be well advised to know your rights and responsibilities.
Parties often naively think bad things will not happen to their marriage, or that their marital difficulties will somehow be resolved fairly. But when the "bough breaks," both parties have too few assets and too many financial responsibilities.
Many marriages are already challenged because of financial problems. When the parties separate and now have two households to support, money is the scarcest commodity of all.
You really need to get sound advice, in confidence, so you can make decisions based on the law. Consulting an attorney does not mean you are going to go through with a separation or divorce, but you must know your rights.
■ Mike Wells is an attorney with Wells Jenkins Lucas & Jenkins, PLLC, in Winston-Salem.
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